A Season For All Things

This seems to be my summer of healing. Not much of a summer, in my mind, but hey the soul wants what it wants. Squirming with feeling all my feelings, aching to deny and avoid, and still allowing for as long as I can take. Then allowing myself to breathe and listen to the music and choose to believe in things I know aren't true anymore, but maybe someday they will be? Came across this from the incomparable Jen Lemen: fits like a glove at the moment.

Letter to myself and everyone else like me, just because.

This is because you have no idea who you are.
This is because you talk too long and feel too much and say too little, and then decide to talk and feel and say a little more because it was too much. This is because you never quite understand the rules and cannot manage to get them clear in your head, let alone in your heart. This is because you try so hard, after you don’t try at all, and never seem to get that none of it was necessary, even from the beginning.

This is because you don’t have enough to do already. This is because you are always doing the things you are not supposed to do. This is because you forget how to feel. This is because you don’t know how to remember. This is because you cannot for one second let yourself be still.

This is because you cannot bear the uncertainty of mystery.
This is because you dream too little.
This is because you should have known better, or at least listened when you knew.
This is because you hate yourself for being difficult and incomprehensible.
This is because you need less sleep and more company.
This is because you always forget that it’s too soon in life to decide.
This is because you get it wrong, when all you wanted to do was get it right.
This is because you can’t make yourself fit in. This is because you don’t always care.

This is because I am exactly like you even when you think no one could possibly be. This is because this lost is what we all are. This is because none of us, after all this–thank God–somehow are not the only ones.

This is because even after all this
you must without question or hesitation
be absolutely seen and loved
just because.

And so must I.